Is temperament something children are born with, or something they grow out of?
"She's been like this since the day she was born." Parents say it constantly, and they're half right. The trouble is the other half — the conclusion that therefore she always will be.
Different from the very first weeks
Temperament research starts with the New York Longitudinal Study in the 1950s. Researchers followed 133 infants from birth and recorded something parents already knew: babies differ from each other within weeks. One infant screamed through every nappy change; another, in the same situation, frowned briefly and moved on. Some fed on a schedule you could set a clock by; others were different every day.
What mattered is that these differences weren't explained by parenting. Same parents, same house, same daily routine — and the first child reacted differently from the second. The researchers called this temperament: a pattern of reacting that is there before anything has been learned.
So the parental observation is not wrong. Children do not arrive as blank slates.
What the same study showed about the other half
Following those same children into adulthood told a more complicated story. Temperament persisted, but what it looked like kept changing.
A three-year-old who hid behind her mother at the sight of a stranger was, at ten, presenting to her class. The temperament hadn't vanished. She still reacted strongly to novelty and still slowed down in unfamiliar situations. She had simply learned what to do with that: rehearse beforehand, scan the room first, locate one trustworthy adult.
In research terms, the rank order of temperament is relatively stable while the absolute level shifts with development. Where a child sits among thirty peers — "on the cautious side" — tends to hold. How that caution shows up in daily life changes completely.
Why results for ages 3-6 need care
Temperament becomes more stable with age. Which means: the younger the child, the less stable it is.
Results for three- to six-year-olds move around for three reasons. First, self-regulation itself is developing fast at this age. A four-year-old who couldn't wait and a six-year-old who can is not a personality change; it's a brain growing. Second, young children vary far more by situation. A child who is talkative at home and silent at nursery is entirely ordinary. Third, at this age the measurement usually comes from a parent — and a parent mostly sees home, which is one scene from the child's life.
So a result for a young child reads more accurately as "this is what we've been seeing at home lately" than as "this is who my child is."
What changes and what doesn't
A practical split:
What tends to hold is the speed and intensity of reaction — how quickly a child responds to something new, how big the feeling gets, how long recovery takes. These largely persist into adulthood.
What changes is the skill of handling that reaction — what the child does when angry, how they start in an unfamiliar room, how they sit with boredom. These are learned, which is exactly why parenting and experience matter.
The second is where parents have leverage. Trying to change a child's temperament mostly fails and leaves behind a message that something about them is wrong. Teaching a child how to live with their temperament actually works.
There is no good temperament, only goodness of fit
The most-cited idea in this field is goodness of fit. The question isn't which temperament is better, but how well a given temperament meshes with its environment.
A very high-activity child is a problem in a classroom that requires sitting all day, and an asset in a setting built around movement. Same child, same temperament, opposite verdict.
What this framing gives you is a better question. Instead of "how do I make my child less sensitive," you end up asking "what would an environment look like where this sensitivity isn't a problem?" The second question is far easier to answer.
So how should you use a result?
A result sheet is closer to an observation log than a diagnosis. Three ways to use it well.
Re-measure over time. The change across three to six months tells you much more than a single reading. If the scores moved, your child is developing. If they held, that's a genuinely stable trait.
Don't read the low end as a deficit. Low on outgoing means quiet, not passive. Low on curiosity means comfort comes from the familiar — which is a real strength for routine, repetition, and steady practice.
Don't use the result as a label in front of your child. "You're just shy" tells a child this cannot change. Temperament is a starting point, not a destination.
In short
- · Temperament is inborn and its rank order is fairly stable — "she's always been like this" is usually accurate.
- · But how it shows up keeps changing, and ages 3-6 are especially variable.
- · Aim to change the skills for handling a temperament, not the temperament itself.
- · There is no good temperament — only goodness of fit between child and environment.
- · The change across three to six months tells you more than any single result.
This article is general guidance, not a medical or psychological diagnosis. If you are worried about your child's development or emotional wellbeing, speak with a paediatrician or a child psychologist.