Eating - can't versus won't
To break the dinner that starts with 'just one bite' and ends with both of you angry, first work out why your child isn't eating.
Sensory, or control?
When it's sensory, a child genuinely can't tolerate certain textures, smells or temperatures. The signature is consistency: the same refusal wherever and whoever made it.
When it's control, it varies by situation. They eat it at their grandmother's and refuse at home, or eat it if they served themselves.
One question separates them: refusing today what they ate yesterday points to control; never having eaten it points to sensory.
Where temperament splits it
High sensitivity means the atmosphere at the table matters. If arguments have been frequent there, they avoid the table regardless of the food.
High outgoing means sitting is itself the task. Demanding thirty minutes turns posture into the fight rather than food. Keep meals to 15-20 minutes.
Low curiosity means new food is the burden. Put a very small amount beside something familiar and don't ask them to eat it.
Low caring means the issue is who decides. Hold the line - parent decides what and when, child decides whether and how much - and table fights shrink sharply.
What not to do at the table
Don't attach rewards. 'Ice cream if you finish' makes vegetables something to be endured.
Don't praise the amount. It trains a child to use your reaction instead of their own fullness.
Don't negotiate. Once 'just three bites' starts, every meal is a negotiating table.
Don't discuss your child's eating in front of them. Heard a few times, it becomes an identity.
When to check
A range of accepted foods under about twenty and narrowing. Ordinary picky eating widens, it doesn't shrink.
Weight not increasing or falling, or energy noticeably lower than peers.
Certain textures reliably producing gagging or vomiting.
With any of these, speak to a paediatrician or paediatric feeding specialist.
In short
- · Refusing today what they ate yesterday is control; never having eaten it is sensory.
- · Parent decides what and when; child decides whether and how much.
- · Rewards, praise for amount, and negotiation all backfire.
- · Under twenty accepted foods and narrowing warrants professional input.
This article is general guidance, not a medical or psychological diagnosis. If you are worried about your child's development or emotional wellbeing, speak with a paediatrician or a child psychologist.
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